"Beauty is mysterious as well as terrible. God and devil are fighting there, and the battlefield is the heart of man..." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
BEFRIENDING THE DEVIL
Befriending the devil isn't about making lifelong pals with him, it is about growing the courage to see all the darkness we have inside of us, coming face to face with it, accepting it as it is, then doing all that is possible to wash as much dirt as we can from the faces of what we see. Consider what gifts we can get out of the many different aspects of our psyche, the imperfections, what we are afraid of, the strengths, and let go of what doesn't serve us anymore.
Maybe you have bottled up anger that makes you terribly afraid of becoming like your physically abusive father, so you repress the whole thing and it becomes darkness inside of you that you are afraid to touch. That is one of your devils that you need to face. But because you keep repressing it, you become a pushover, a magnet for narcissists because you do not defend yourself when you should, your strength is locked away in a closet you dare not open. Or you become someone with anger management issues, pushing away anyone healthy enough to not tolerate such things in their lives. The gift of that particular pain, could be for you to grow enough self-esteem and to believe that you are worth defending yourself from verbally abusive people. But, you need to face the fear of becoming like your father. And for that, you need to grow strength and resilience, to know that no matter what, you will refuse to become physically violent. Is it easy, no, or course not. You will actually have to embody that anger, to know there is that awful potential, so you will need to prepare yourself for the journey.
How do you do that?
Talk to people about it, say, hey, I have a lot of issues with anger, I might not show it, but it is because I repress it, but it is eating me inside. I am afraid of becoming physically violent like my dad (or addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or anything else), and I don't want to keep that bottled in, but I am afraid that if I touch upon it, it will consume me, get out of control. Just talking about it to someone can help release some of it, to make it more manageable, to remove the many fears of the unknown from that pain. Seek help, get a therapist, admit to your fears, warn people that you are facing deep and painful issues and you might have some erratic moods for a bit of time. That alone can give you the courage to go through with it, and remove enough of the fears to make it manageable. You are stronger than you think, a lot of the problems we face are because we simply keep things for ourselves, and we do not seek help, or develop enough tools to cope with what we are facing.
"I am more afraid of those who are terrified of the devil than I am of the devil himself..." - Saint Teresa of Avila
Again, the devil holds the things you are most afraid of. Being terrified of the devil, is the same as being terrified of yourself, afraid of your greatest fears, but also of your greatest parts. Then life is lived at a fraction of its capacity, and so are you, operating at a fraction of your capacity, and at a fraction of your love. That is the smallness of a narcissist, and why they need to make everyone around them even smaller, more defeated, than they are themselves.
Now, please don't berate yourself for all the things you have not faced yet, is it way easier said than done. There are many reasons why, either because we don't know what is to gain from doing all this work, or we reject our dark parts out of fear that if we don't , then surely people will reject us, maybe those are the two leading reasons.
Are there any guarantees to not be rejected, or getting the greatest spiritual gifts out of the process?
No, that's why you need courage, and that is why you need to prepare, to know what you are doing, then the odds are in your favor. Yes, some people might reject this new, and better version of you, and that is not only okay, it is something that you should want. Those people are most likely the ones who kept you weak, who abused you, who were not on your side in the first place, the ones who made it hard for you to grow and mature. If you don't seek growth, the pain inside of you will remain vague and unknown, and the people around you also. If you cannot tell friend from foe from the lost parts you have within, you will not be able to do so in your external environment either. That is how people end up with narcissists and abusive people, they have too many unresolved things inside of them, too much of them is unknown, so they can't make heads or tails of what is good, and what is bad. So they can't identify who is good, and who is bad, from their surroundings either. And again, that is why narcissists prey on those who are afraid of their own shadows, because they are blind to the devil, they are blind to the abuse they dish out. Face the devil inside of you, get to know him, and overcome what he is holding of you, and narcissists will no longer be a mystery to you, traps to fall into, and get abused by.
"Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones..." - Thich Nhat Hanh
A lot of the fears you hold inside of you, are not relevant anymore to your present day life, except for the lessons they can provide. That is why presence, grounding practices, meditation, are great tools to embody and face those fears, to show them that right now, there is nothing to fear, the people and experiences have gone, are now in the past, for most of them anyway.
Many people are stuck just like this, afraid of the many things they have inside of them, mostly related to becoming someone they think will get them rejected for, unloved, and unlovable, or stuff from the past. That is what I mean by befriending the devil, all of your lost parts, the darkness they contain. You need to befriend them, grow a loving and mature relationship with, and that involves letting go of what does not serve a loving relationship. Those fears, they become our devils, the spooky inner creatures we refuse to accept, the parts of us we try to forget. So to befriend the devil, is to remove the veil of darkness over him, over those parts. How can you befriend something that you don't know? You can never make sense of your pain if you keep it hidden, out of sight, out of mind, and out of your heart, you will only relinquish your power to the devil, and he will use it against you as long as you do.
Yes, I know, you might need to put on that mask for a bit of time, feel the pain in your heart, and for that period of time you won't be the fun loving entertaining person that people know you as, or you won't be the strong person everyone can turn to for help, or the one who keeps offering their shoulder for other people to cry on, or the silent type that people can rely on to get the work done while other people go about their business, or the one that will accept all kinds of abuse without crying... But those are just facades that hide pain, for most of us. Everyone needs balance, everyone needs to be strong for themselves as much as they can be for others, to be their own shoulder to cry on.
Who will you become when you face that darkness, when you integrate the pain, process it, let go of what doesn't serve you, but retain what does?
That's the beauty of a healing journey, you change along the way, you grow, but you can never be certain of who you will change into. Maybe you will go from the weak person who keeps taking abuse, into a roaring lion fighting for the rights of others, and that fear you had of turning into your abusive father or mother or partner, turns into that tremendous roar that makes abusers run away! Or maybe you were a roaring, but dysfunctional, tiger, very business minded and successful, but full of anger and contempt, and you turn into a more silent and supportive person, using your wealth for a greater cause. That is what people mean, when they say your darkness can become your greatest ally. That is what you can get from facing the devil, overturning his power over you, and taking possession of your own great gifts that he was hiding and empowering himself with.
The devil, his only power comes from us. Claim yours back, take power away from him, not only will you be doing your part in breaking the grasp that evil has over us, but you just might become that spectacular person you long to be!
Befriending the devil isn't about making lifelong pals with him, it is about growing the courage to see all the darkness we have inside of us, coming face to face with it, accepting it as it is, then doing all that is possible to wash as much dirt as we can from the faces of what we see. Consider what gifts we can get out of the many different aspects of our psyche, the imperfections, what we are afraid of, the strengths, and let go of what doesn't serve us anymore.
Maybe you have bottled up anger that makes you terribly afraid of becoming like your physically abusive father, so you repress the whole thing and it becomes darkness inside of you that you are afraid to touch. That is one of your devils that you need to face. But because you keep repressing it, you become a pushover, a magnet for narcissists because you do not defend yourself when you should, your strength is locked away in a closet you dare not open. Or you become someone with anger management issues, pushing away anyone healthy enough to not tolerate such things in their lives. The gift of that particular pain, could be for you to grow enough self-esteem and to believe that you are worth defending yourself from verbally abusive people. But, you need to face the fear of becoming like your father. And for that, you need to grow strength and resilience, to know that no matter what, you will refuse to become physically violent. Is it easy, no, or course not. You will actually have to embody that anger, to know there is that awful potential, so you will need to prepare yourself for the journey.
How do you do that?
Talk to people about it, say, hey, I have a lot of issues with anger, I might not show it, but it is because I repress it, but it is eating me inside. I am afraid of becoming physically violent like my dad (or addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or anything else), and I don't want to keep that bottled in, but I am afraid that if I touch upon it, it will consume me, get out of control. Just talking about it to someone can help release some of it, to make it more manageable, to remove the many fears of the unknown from that pain. Seek help, get a therapist, admit to your fears, warn people that you are facing deep and painful issues and you might have some erratic moods for a bit of time. That alone can give you the courage to go through with it, and remove enough of the fears to make it manageable. You are stronger than you think, a lot of the problems we face are because we simply keep things for ourselves, and we do not seek help, or develop enough tools to cope with what we are facing.
"I am more afraid of those who are terrified of the devil than I am of the devil himself..." - Saint Teresa of Avila
Again, the devil holds the things you are most afraid of. Being terrified of the devil, is the same as being terrified of yourself, afraid of your greatest fears, but also of your greatest parts. Then life is lived at a fraction of its capacity, and so are you, operating at a fraction of your capacity, and at a fraction of your love. That is the smallness of a narcissist, and why they need to make everyone around them even smaller, more defeated, than they are themselves.
Now, please don't berate yourself for all the things you have not faced yet, is it way easier said than done. There are many reasons why, either because we don't know what is to gain from doing all this work, or we reject our dark parts out of fear that if we don't , then surely people will reject us, maybe those are the two leading reasons.
Are there any guarantees to not be rejected, or getting the greatest spiritual gifts out of the process?
No, that's why you need courage, and that is why you need to prepare, to know what you are doing, then the odds are in your favor. Yes, some people might reject this new, and better version of you, and that is not only okay, it is something that you should want. Those people are most likely the ones who kept you weak, who abused you, who were not on your side in the first place, the ones who made it hard for you to grow and mature. If you don't seek growth, the pain inside of you will remain vague and unknown, and the people around you also. If you cannot tell friend from foe from the lost parts you have within, you will not be able to do so in your external environment either. That is how people end up with narcissists and abusive people, they have too many unresolved things inside of them, too much of them is unknown, so they can't make heads or tails of what is good, and what is bad. So they can't identify who is good, and who is bad, from their surroundings either. And again, that is why narcissists prey on those who are afraid of their own shadows, because they are blind to the devil, they are blind to the abuse they dish out. Face the devil inside of you, get to know him, and overcome what he is holding of you, and narcissists will no longer be a mystery to you, traps to fall into, and get abused by.
"Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones..." - Thich Nhat Hanh
A lot of the fears you hold inside of you, are not relevant anymore to your present day life, except for the lessons they can provide. That is why presence, grounding practices, meditation, are great tools to embody and face those fears, to show them that right now, there is nothing to fear, the people and experiences have gone, are now in the past, for most of them anyway.
Many people are stuck just like this, afraid of the many things they have inside of them, mostly related to becoming someone they think will get them rejected for, unloved, and unlovable, or stuff from the past. That is what I mean by befriending the devil, all of your lost parts, the darkness they contain. You need to befriend them, grow a loving and mature relationship with, and that involves letting go of what does not serve a loving relationship. Those fears, they become our devils, the spooky inner creatures we refuse to accept, the parts of us we try to forget. So to befriend the devil, is to remove the veil of darkness over him, over those parts. How can you befriend something that you don't know? You can never make sense of your pain if you keep it hidden, out of sight, out of mind, and out of your heart, you will only relinquish your power to the devil, and he will use it against you as long as you do.
Yes, I know, you might need to put on that mask for a bit of time, feel the pain in your heart, and for that period of time you won't be the fun loving entertaining person that people know you as, or you won't be the strong person everyone can turn to for help, or the one who keeps offering their shoulder for other people to cry on, or the silent type that people can rely on to get the work done while other people go about their business, or the one that will accept all kinds of abuse without crying... But those are just facades that hide pain, for most of us. Everyone needs balance, everyone needs to be strong for themselves as much as they can be for others, to be their own shoulder to cry on.
Who will you become when you face that darkness, when you integrate the pain, process it, let go of what doesn't serve you, but retain what does?
That's the beauty of a healing journey, you change along the way, you grow, but you can never be certain of who you will change into. Maybe you will go from the weak person who keeps taking abuse, into a roaring lion fighting for the rights of others, and that fear you had of turning into your abusive father or mother or partner, turns into that tremendous roar that makes abusers run away! Or maybe you were a roaring, but dysfunctional, tiger, very business minded and successful, but full of anger and contempt, and you turn into a more silent and supportive person, using your wealth for a greater cause. That is what people mean, when they say your darkness can become your greatest ally. That is what you can get from facing the devil, overturning his power over you, and taking possession of your own great gifts that he was hiding and empowering himself with.
The devil, his only power comes from us. Claim yours back, take power away from him, not only will you be doing your part in breaking the grasp that evil has over us, but you just might become that spectacular person you long to be!
"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury..." - Edwin Hubbel Chapin
ON FORGIVENESS
You can have forgiveness in your heart for a relationship with an abusive person, but not forgive a person who is unwilling to repent, meaning, you can hold the forgiveness for yourself, but the unrepentant person will not accept to be part of the process. Total forgiveness, in God, is the same as welcoming a person back into the Garden of Eden, and that cannot be done for a person that is unwilling to repent, accept the pain they have caused, and make amends, such as with narcissists. So as many people say, you forgive for yourself first and foremost, as you can never force anyone to accept the forgiveness, and forgiveness in your own heart is enough. Many people get caught on needing others to be part of the process, either in asking forgiveness, or forgiving them, especially when the wounds are far in the past, or if the thing that caused the pain is very deep, and difficult to face.
Facing your darkness, requires a lot of love and forgiveness, that is the only way to overcome the pain they contain, and get to the gifts they have. Also, the more you face your own darkness, the more you will be able to see the darkness in others, and that also requires love and forgiveness to accept and get over. There might be some blame, some shame, some guilt you will need to face on this journey, for yourself and others, so work on limiting the time you spend processing these emotions, don't become that, but embody them for a bit of time. Those are some of the masks of darkness and imperfections you will need to wear for a time, either with a therapist, in your daily life, in front of others, or even by yourself, and most likely all of these things, again, only for a while. This is part of the "dark night of the soul" journey, to face and embody the darkness that your soul contains, those lost soul parts. And forgiveness is a big part of the journey out of it.
"Forgiveness is not a feeling - it's a decision we make because we want to do what's right before God. It's a quality decision that won't be easy and it may take time to get through the process, depending on the severity of the offense..." - Joyce Meyer
And as I have said before, forgiveness is done in steps, especially for the worst of offenses, it must be grown into, just as love, small steps at a time.
You can have forgiveness in your heart for a relationship with an abusive person, but not forgive a person who is unwilling to repent, meaning, you can hold the forgiveness for yourself, but the unrepentant person will not accept to be part of the process. Total forgiveness, in God, is the same as welcoming a person back into the Garden of Eden, and that cannot be done for a person that is unwilling to repent, accept the pain they have caused, and make amends, such as with narcissists. So as many people say, you forgive for yourself first and foremost, as you can never force anyone to accept the forgiveness, and forgiveness in your own heart is enough. Many people get caught on needing others to be part of the process, either in asking forgiveness, or forgiving them, especially when the wounds are far in the past, or if the thing that caused the pain is very deep, and difficult to face.
Facing your darkness, requires a lot of love and forgiveness, that is the only way to overcome the pain they contain, and get to the gifts they have. Also, the more you face your own darkness, the more you will be able to see the darkness in others, and that also requires love and forgiveness to accept and get over. There might be some blame, some shame, some guilt you will need to face on this journey, for yourself and others, so work on limiting the time you spend processing these emotions, don't become that, but embody them for a bit of time. Those are some of the masks of darkness and imperfections you will need to wear for a time, either with a therapist, in your daily life, in front of others, or even by yourself, and most likely all of these things, again, only for a while. This is part of the "dark night of the soul" journey, to face and embody the darkness that your soul contains, those lost soul parts. And forgiveness is a big part of the journey out of it.
"Forgiveness is not a feeling - it's a decision we make because we want to do what's right before God. It's a quality decision that won't be easy and it may take time to get through the process, depending on the severity of the offense..." - Joyce Meyer
And as I have said before, forgiveness is done in steps, especially for the worst of offenses, it must be grown into, just as love, small steps at a time.
Dance with the devil until the devil has no more stories to tell, no more “sweet” nothings to whisper in your ears, no more moves that catch you by surprise, no more plans that you are unaware of, no more shared pain to wallow in...