"That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful..." - Elizabeth Wurtzel
MOST PEOPLE ARE SPIRITUALLY DEPRESSED (OR, SPIRITUALLY OVERWHELMED)
Yes, depression and overwhelm go together. When your emotional system is overwhelmed for too long, it often leads to depression, or addictions to substances or bad habits, or both. When we are overwhelmed, is it your emotional system that cannot keep up with the details of your life, your experiences, just like a computer that cannot keep up with the tasks you ask of it, it starts slowing down, even crashing. We often cope with being overwhelmed with coffee, sugar, alcohol, drugs, or other bad habits. If we persist, that is if we ignore what our system is trying to tell us, it can eventually lead to depression, that is when your emotional system goes offline completely. It might be odd to consider ourselves, our being, as having multiple energetic systems, but that is how we are made. Your emotional system can go offline, or get bogged down, even though your physical system, your body, keeps going. Your mind, and your spirit/soul, are systems that function within you, layers of energy that interact with one another, but are distinct and require individuated care and consideration.
When your emotional system, and spiritual system also (even though they are separate, they are very intertwined, but can still function on their own), so, when your emotional system is struggling to keep up with your life experiences (and unhealed childhood experiences that surface now and then), you start relying more on your mind to make decisions. For those that have given up on God as the only source of unconditional love and spirit, they can still function in this world, but at the cost of their soul. For those who still cling to their soul, to true love, to God, making your way through life only by the decisions of you mind, is not good. Not only will it most likely lead you down bad paths, far away from God and your soul, you will become emotionally overwhelmed. And if you remain in that state of overwhelm too long, well, you will most likely either surrender to substances and/or bad habits, or it will lead you into depression; when your emotional and spiritual systems have had enough, and take a break. Many people find themselves in this state, and it can be hard to get out of it, or see/feel it coming. It can be easy to go down into the darkness, but much harder to get back to the light.
“That's your solution? Have a cookie?' Astrid asked. 'No, my solution is to run down to the beach and hide out until this is all over,' Sam said. 'But a cookie never hurts..." - Michael Grant
Yes, many people go for the cookie, the ice cream, the beer, sex, TV, social media... Anything to get away from the feelings we prefer not to feel. But they will not go away, they will simply get repressed, stored until you face them, or die holding on to them. Heaven is not a place for people who keep reaching for the cookie all the time, instead of healing what is not well within them. Heaven is for strong and mature people, who might reach for the cookie now and then, but overall, they do the inner work, enough to progress. Depression and overwhelm, are high indicators that there is too much stuff within you that is not well, like hearing the fire alarm of your soul. But you can't run away, aim for the exit, you must face it, or risk facing eternity in a very bad place.
People of the dark triads/spectrum, such as narcissists, essentially, have given up the battle altogether, the battle of good and evil, of love, and have surrendered to making their way through life from their minds only, ego, that is what hell gets created from. They are full of repressed suffering, no matter how happy/successful their are, or appear to be. And they will cause suffering to the people around them, no choice, leaving a trail of victims behind them. Now, whom that have not given up on life, on their soul, would tolerate such abuse except people who are tremendously low on faith, or very low on self-esteem and confidence? Yes, evil, narcissists, do indeed attack people's faith, they want to pull people away from God, part by part, causing worldwide spiritual depression and destruction. People the world over feeling that nothing they ever do, will help make this place, or themselves, better. That is the ultimate goal of evil, complete loss of hope, total loss of spirit, our connection to God. Of course, evil will never win, but they can sure put on a good show! But God's final act will always steal the applause.
So, why do you think bullies with big fists, big guns, or nuclear arsenals, keep bullying while brandishing those weapons? It is to make people feel hopeless, not in control of their fate, have them relent to their demands, over and over. It is the same as abuse in the home, small people, bullies, making people feel that there will be worse punishment to come, to anyone who refuses to accept the current level of pain they are experiencing. That is how people, children, get broken, how they relent to evil, and how they give up on trying, give up on aiming for a better life, well into adulthood. That is spiritual depression, when you put aside your wellbeing in the face of hurtful people, when you put God aside and surrender to pain, when you remain silent in the face of abuse, it is all spiritually depressing, and very love depriving. I wish I can help people grow hope again, to overcome the pain and absence of love in their hearts.
"Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future..." - Robert H. Schuller
But, be careful of blind hope, the hope that abusive people will change, that you will get better from the mere passage of time. That will deplete your ability to hope, cause more spiritual depression, and might make it that much harder to walk away from evil, from pain, towards love. When you are overwhelmed for a long enough time, eventually your feeling system gives up, can't handle it anymore. Like people living with chronic stress and anxiety, living in fight or flight mode for way too long, as I have in the past. Then ground zero, complete depletion of love, of faith, is a very hard place to build a better life from.
We are all very spiritually sick, unwell, there is hardly any light left in this world to aim for, to follow. If something does not drastically change, and soon, we might find ourselves in a place of no return.
A RAY OF HOPE TO AIM FOR: There is no greater being to turn to, to make your pain feel purposeful, than God. That is what I aim to help people with, to overcome their suffering, and be filled with a sense of meaning, and love, instead. Even if this world is going broke, your main aim has, and will always be, a better life away from this place. So never give up, even if our future here might almost be done with.
"To live without Hope is to cease to live..." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
I realized I was in that state since childhood, spiritually depressed, perpetual fight or flight mode, decades of my life not making sense, not feeling purposeful, and my journey towards God was going nowhere. It took several visits from God himself, and him subsequently walking away from me, before I got the message. Yes, God walked away from me, he turned his back and walked away. To this day, that was the last I saw of him, in a human form in a vision, to my knowledge.
This was about 6 years ago, and I knew he was not abandoning me, but he was sending a clear message, a wake up call that I truly had to face: That I needed to take some time and look at myself more carefully, stop relying on him. Even though he left many good people to help me, I had to find a path to become my own person, next to him, but separated in my own way. Essentially, to stop relying on "daddy" to come and bail me out of the misery I was in.
Aren't we all doing that, to some extent, or pretending we don't need him? Isn't that what a parent must eventually do for their children, show them the door, with kindness, and tell them they are on their own now? Not to say the door is shut and barricaded, but, there comes a time when a child must prove his/her own worth, and that applies to God as well. We all want to be seen as perfect, deserving of love, especially to God, except that we keep hiding our pain from his light. That is one of the most important lesson from Adam and Eve, who out of shame, created darkness between them and the light of God, a very painful, though not permanent, mistake.
Much like a parent bird eventually kicks out of the nest the child that refuses to set off on his/her own, that is what God needed to do for me. There was so much of my past that I was not facing, and that left me very vulnerable to further abuse from abusive people, and from myself as well. Beyond the pain inflicted upon me from others, I had become my own worst enemy, and there was no running away from that. So, I felt I had no other viable option but to run away from home first, to yank all of my trauma bonded relationships right out of the wall socket. So I literally left, at the age of 47, took enough time. But I did it in a very "shoot at everything that moves" kind of way, within, and I was depleting all of my savings by trying to stay away.
"If there were no night, we would not appreciate the day, nor could we see the stars and the vastness of the heavens. We must partake of the bitter with the sweet. There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless..." - James E. Faust
Unfortunately I had not found anything substantial within myself to go the distance, and I eventually returned, bruised and battered, though I had not given up the fight. I recovered about halfway, went away again, then came back stronger even, but still with more room to grow. I had not found in myself something that I could hold on to, something meaningful and concrete, to start a new life. So I had to go back, re-assemble my past, heal, and start over. But the next "starting over", wasn't that much better, but at least I had a better understanding of what I needed to heal. So for my first running away from home, I traveled the world for two and a half years, before I got drained and surrendered back, to my dad's empty basement apartment, utterly depressed, but that was the state I was already in.
And for my next disappearing act, my next stumble out of the back door, I lived for a year and a half in South America, and at least I knew enough to seek deeper healing and alternative therapies while I was there. While in my dad's basement, I started doing psychedelic therapy, and I realized that my brain was hardwired for pain, negativity, and seeking abuse in ways I had never understood before, but my path was still staggering. In South America, I did 8 Ayahuasca ceremonies, and other healing stuff. I was still shaky, still uncertain, still afraid I would fall back into that great big pit of despair, or back to old routines that didn't help, including perfectionism and reaching for unattainable, unrealistic, goals. But I persisted, and I finally started to breathe clear air, and my eyes were seeing life, reality, for what it was, instead of the many dirty and foggy filters I used to see life through. I am still growing, trying to fill big shoes, and this is where I am today, as of this writing.
I don't think it takes only a village to raise a child, but the whole world. I am still exploring what this place is, myself, and the many people I encounter. Does it take all of that for people to overcome their suffering, their spiritual depression, to find their place close to God? No, but I chose to aim high, and there is a high cost to such an endeavor. I have learned things so that others would not have to, I overcame suffering for people who were not able to, if that is what God does, why not me, and why not you?
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds..." - Laurell K. Hamilton
This place, is tremendously well built, the way all the energies intertwine with one another, karma, sins, who deserves what, debts to be paid, gifts to be received, and it is costly to operate. Think of the most advanced, and far reaching experiment on this planet, searching for the cure for cancer, CERN, the international space station, all pale in comparison to what it takes to keep this place going. God was there for me, and I was costing him a lot of work for as long as I was not taking my life seriously enough to free myself from the pain I was in, and to distance myself from people happy to keep causing it for whatever reasons that made sense to them.
Once God chooses you, he does not let go, the longer you persist on not maximizing your path to him, the more work you cause him and his people. Just like the uphill battle to clean our environment, so has this place become, spiritually speaking, for God.
Are you willing to take some of the load off his hands, and into yours?
Yes, depression and overwhelm go together. When your emotional system is overwhelmed for too long, it often leads to depression, or addictions to substances or bad habits, or both. When we are overwhelmed, is it your emotional system that cannot keep up with the details of your life, your experiences, just like a computer that cannot keep up with the tasks you ask of it, it starts slowing down, even crashing. We often cope with being overwhelmed with coffee, sugar, alcohol, drugs, or other bad habits. If we persist, that is if we ignore what our system is trying to tell us, it can eventually lead to depression, that is when your emotional system goes offline completely. It might be odd to consider ourselves, our being, as having multiple energetic systems, but that is how we are made. Your emotional system can go offline, or get bogged down, even though your physical system, your body, keeps going. Your mind, and your spirit/soul, are systems that function within you, layers of energy that interact with one another, but are distinct and require individuated care and consideration.
When your emotional system, and spiritual system also (even though they are separate, they are very intertwined, but can still function on their own), so, when your emotional system is struggling to keep up with your life experiences (and unhealed childhood experiences that surface now and then), you start relying more on your mind to make decisions. For those that have given up on God as the only source of unconditional love and spirit, they can still function in this world, but at the cost of their soul. For those who still cling to their soul, to true love, to God, making your way through life only by the decisions of you mind, is not good. Not only will it most likely lead you down bad paths, far away from God and your soul, you will become emotionally overwhelmed. And if you remain in that state of overwhelm too long, well, you will most likely either surrender to substances and/or bad habits, or it will lead you into depression; when your emotional and spiritual systems have had enough, and take a break. Many people find themselves in this state, and it can be hard to get out of it, or see/feel it coming. It can be easy to go down into the darkness, but much harder to get back to the light.
“That's your solution? Have a cookie?' Astrid asked. 'No, my solution is to run down to the beach and hide out until this is all over,' Sam said. 'But a cookie never hurts..." - Michael Grant
Yes, many people go for the cookie, the ice cream, the beer, sex, TV, social media... Anything to get away from the feelings we prefer not to feel. But they will not go away, they will simply get repressed, stored until you face them, or die holding on to them. Heaven is not a place for people who keep reaching for the cookie all the time, instead of healing what is not well within them. Heaven is for strong and mature people, who might reach for the cookie now and then, but overall, they do the inner work, enough to progress. Depression and overwhelm, are high indicators that there is too much stuff within you that is not well, like hearing the fire alarm of your soul. But you can't run away, aim for the exit, you must face it, or risk facing eternity in a very bad place.
People of the dark triads/spectrum, such as narcissists, essentially, have given up the battle altogether, the battle of good and evil, of love, and have surrendered to making their way through life from their minds only, ego, that is what hell gets created from. They are full of repressed suffering, no matter how happy/successful their are, or appear to be. And they will cause suffering to the people around them, no choice, leaving a trail of victims behind them. Now, whom that have not given up on life, on their soul, would tolerate such abuse except people who are tremendously low on faith, or very low on self-esteem and confidence? Yes, evil, narcissists, do indeed attack people's faith, they want to pull people away from God, part by part, causing worldwide spiritual depression and destruction. People the world over feeling that nothing they ever do, will help make this place, or themselves, better. That is the ultimate goal of evil, complete loss of hope, total loss of spirit, our connection to God. Of course, evil will never win, but they can sure put on a good show! But God's final act will always steal the applause.
So, why do you think bullies with big fists, big guns, or nuclear arsenals, keep bullying while brandishing those weapons? It is to make people feel hopeless, not in control of their fate, have them relent to their demands, over and over. It is the same as abuse in the home, small people, bullies, making people feel that there will be worse punishment to come, to anyone who refuses to accept the current level of pain they are experiencing. That is how people, children, get broken, how they relent to evil, and how they give up on trying, give up on aiming for a better life, well into adulthood. That is spiritual depression, when you put aside your wellbeing in the face of hurtful people, when you put God aside and surrender to pain, when you remain silent in the face of abuse, it is all spiritually depressing, and very love depriving. I wish I can help people grow hope again, to overcome the pain and absence of love in their hearts.
"Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future..." - Robert H. Schuller
But, be careful of blind hope, the hope that abusive people will change, that you will get better from the mere passage of time. That will deplete your ability to hope, cause more spiritual depression, and might make it that much harder to walk away from evil, from pain, towards love. When you are overwhelmed for a long enough time, eventually your feeling system gives up, can't handle it anymore. Like people living with chronic stress and anxiety, living in fight or flight mode for way too long, as I have in the past. Then ground zero, complete depletion of love, of faith, is a very hard place to build a better life from.
We are all very spiritually sick, unwell, there is hardly any light left in this world to aim for, to follow. If something does not drastically change, and soon, we might find ourselves in a place of no return.
A RAY OF HOPE TO AIM FOR: There is no greater being to turn to, to make your pain feel purposeful, than God. That is what I aim to help people with, to overcome their suffering, and be filled with a sense of meaning, and love, instead. Even if this world is going broke, your main aim has, and will always be, a better life away from this place. So never give up, even if our future here might almost be done with.
"To live without Hope is to cease to live..." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
I realized I was in that state since childhood, spiritually depressed, perpetual fight or flight mode, decades of my life not making sense, not feeling purposeful, and my journey towards God was going nowhere. It took several visits from God himself, and him subsequently walking away from me, before I got the message. Yes, God walked away from me, he turned his back and walked away. To this day, that was the last I saw of him, in a human form in a vision, to my knowledge.
This was about 6 years ago, and I knew he was not abandoning me, but he was sending a clear message, a wake up call that I truly had to face: That I needed to take some time and look at myself more carefully, stop relying on him. Even though he left many good people to help me, I had to find a path to become my own person, next to him, but separated in my own way. Essentially, to stop relying on "daddy" to come and bail me out of the misery I was in.
Aren't we all doing that, to some extent, or pretending we don't need him? Isn't that what a parent must eventually do for their children, show them the door, with kindness, and tell them they are on their own now? Not to say the door is shut and barricaded, but, there comes a time when a child must prove his/her own worth, and that applies to God as well. We all want to be seen as perfect, deserving of love, especially to God, except that we keep hiding our pain from his light. That is one of the most important lesson from Adam and Eve, who out of shame, created darkness between them and the light of God, a very painful, though not permanent, mistake.
Much like a parent bird eventually kicks out of the nest the child that refuses to set off on his/her own, that is what God needed to do for me. There was so much of my past that I was not facing, and that left me very vulnerable to further abuse from abusive people, and from myself as well. Beyond the pain inflicted upon me from others, I had become my own worst enemy, and there was no running away from that. So, I felt I had no other viable option but to run away from home first, to yank all of my trauma bonded relationships right out of the wall socket. So I literally left, at the age of 47, took enough time. But I did it in a very "shoot at everything that moves" kind of way, within, and I was depleting all of my savings by trying to stay away.
"If there were no night, we would not appreciate the day, nor could we see the stars and the vastness of the heavens. We must partake of the bitter with the sweet. There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless..." - James E. Faust
Unfortunately I had not found anything substantial within myself to go the distance, and I eventually returned, bruised and battered, though I had not given up the fight. I recovered about halfway, went away again, then came back stronger even, but still with more room to grow. I had not found in myself something that I could hold on to, something meaningful and concrete, to start a new life. So I had to go back, re-assemble my past, heal, and start over. But the next "starting over", wasn't that much better, but at least I had a better understanding of what I needed to heal. So for my first running away from home, I traveled the world for two and a half years, before I got drained and surrendered back, to my dad's empty basement apartment, utterly depressed, but that was the state I was already in.
And for my next disappearing act, my next stumble out of the back door, I lived for a year and a half in South America, and at least I knew enough to seek deeper healing and alternative therapies while I was there. While in my dad's basement, I started doing psychedelic therapy, and I realized that my brain was hardwired for pain, negativity, and seeking abuse in ways I had never understood before, but my path was still staggering. In South America, I did 8 Ayahuasca ceremonies, and other healing stuff. I was still shaky, still uncertain, still afraid I would fall back into that great big pit of despair, or back to old routines that didn't help, including perfectionism and reaching for unattainable, unrealistic, goals. But I persisted, and I finally started to breathe clear air, and my eyes were seeing life, reality, for what it was, instead of the many dirty and foggy filters I used to see life through. I am still growing, trying to fill big shoes, and this is where I am today, as of this writing.
I don't think it takes only a village to raise a child, but the whole world. I am still exploring what this place is, myself, and the many people I encounter. Does it take all of that for people to overcome their suffering, their spiritual depression, to find their place close to God? No, but I chose to aim high, and there is a high cost to such an endeavor. I have learned things so that others would not have to, I overcame suffering for people who were not able to, if that is what God does, why not me, and why not you?
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds..." - Laurell K. Hamilton
This place, is tremendously well built, the way all the energies intertwine with one another, karma, sins, who deserves what, debts to be paid, gifts to be received, and it is costly to operate. Think of the most advanced, and far reaching experiment on this planet, searching for the cure for cancer, CERN, the international space station, all pale in comparison to what it takes to keep this place going. God was there for me, and I was costing him a lot of work for as long as I was not taking my life seriously enough to free myself from the pain I was in, and to distance myself from people happy to keep causing it for whatever reasons that made sense to them.
Once God chooses you, he does not let go, the longer you persist on not maximizing your path to him, the more work you cause him and his people. Just like the uphill battle to clean our environment, so has this place become, spiritually speaking, for God.
Are you willing to take some of the load off his hands, and into yours?