“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow..." - Mary Anne Radmacher
YES, SEXUAL ABUSE SUCKS, TRULY, I KNOW, NO PUN INTENDED...
It is not to make light of it, but at the same time, we need to relax on how "traumatic" it is, or can be. We often choose how horrifying, or not, something is. Someone kicking a dog, and the whole planet is up in arms, one person swindling billions from people's pensions, causing them to commit suicide, losing their homes, becoming homeless, despair to hundreds of thousands of people, and people hardly beat an eyelash, that is madness. We need to take many steps back and re-evaluate what is harmful to us, and why.
“Healing from trauma isn’t an overnight process. It’s a lifelong journey that requires patience, support, and self-compassion..." - Jasmin Lee Cori
We are experiencing a world where we cast so many people into the "abuser" or "abused" categories, victims and narcissists, those who have, and those who have not. The rift is increasing, and our solutions are not enough. The diagnoses of mental health are increasing, so are our laws, and also the complexity of treatments. Psychedelic assisted therapies seem to have given us a ray of hope, to cut through the process of healing, to offer reprieve to those who had/have few options, but is it enough?
That being said, today, we must acknowledge the pain as it is, even if for the future, we might want to reconsider our ways about it.
Anyway, sexual abuse is everywhere, I don't think anyone escapes it. We pass on a lot of things as normal, or acceptable, but it isn't, not when you get to know the effects and consequences at a deeper level. As in the bible, yes, we can sin even with our eyes, even looking at someone with ill intents, sexual or otherwise, we sin, and they can feel it, they interact with that sin. Even having normal sexual fantasies about someone else without their consent can pull parts of them into those lost places, if their boundaries are not strong enough, even if only very little. So then, of course, many suffer for it directly, but absolutely everyone suffers from it indirectly.
We are all connected deep down, all the pains and the joys circle around and around. We are burdened with a load of pain we are having a very hard time digesting, on a worldly scale. So, yes, we all share the suffering, that type, and any other, through our soul. Sexual abuse, or any other kind, the toll it is creating on our species is truly unsustainable. That is the problem we face, it is us, yet we keep looking on the outside, we keep focusing on the problems that we create, from a poor and broken spirit. Fix the inside, and the outside will get fixed in no time at all. Again, we are currently heading off the evolutionary cliff, completely blind and giddy, and God will not allow us to take this world down with us. Yes, there is hope, but we need to up our game, in our abilities to turn our pain into love and spiritual growth.
“The pain of trauma can be the catalyst for personal growth, leading us to discover inner strength and resilience we never knew we possessed..." - Judith Lewis Herman
We need to figure out better strategies to help people who have suffered from it, and from any other type of abuse also. Maybe sexual is the biggest suffering of our planet, of our species. From numerous studies, there might be as many as one third of children/teens that get sexually abused directly, and that is way too much for a species to handle when people ignore most of it. And indirectly, most children are looked upon by sexual predators at one time or another, either by those who have abused already, or those willing to abuse, or even those who are unwilling to abuse, but have those thoughts. And even looks can abuse to a certain extent, making people feel afraid, making people feel vulnerable, always a watchful eye for when, or if, they could be the next victim, children and adults alike, men and women... This is not to frighten anyone, but to grow compassion instead, understanding, and for us to stop keeping those things hidden in the darkness of our subconscious. That only benefits evil, and creates long-lasting pain.
There are way too many children on our planet that grow up in abusive homes, and we have little clue as to how to be of help to them, not simply to soothe, but eradicate the problems once and for all!
And the repercussions are much greater than people realize, we all suffer greatly for it. Regardless of where we find ourselves on that spectrum, abused or abuser, bystander, or not even aware of anything, we suffer anyway. The ones who abuse, were most likely abused themselves, and still need love and forgiveness, understanding. And better ways to deal with the situation, their desires, or the guilt and shame of it all, again, abuser or victim, or even friends of those people. More laws and longer prison sentences only makes the matter worse, it only drives the abuse deeper, people learn to hide it better. And even the victims get reluctant to share, as the repercussions to them become more difficult to bear. And the repercussions to their abusers are also so great, that caring people might not even want them to go through with it. How's that for a difficult conundrum to deal with?
“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you..." - Ovid
But silence is a greater destroyer than all the abuse in the world.
At least find someone to talk to about this, if you find yourself facing such a situation, or have that in your history. Even if you think it is past, a lot of trauma sinks in our system without us even knowing about it, but it still affects us a lot, causing anger, ADHD, stress, mental and physical health issues, emotional blockages, it never goes away until the healing is done. And time does not heal all wounds, not true, not of itself. If we don't use our time proactively to heal, then time will most often make things worse, and you will have less time in your life to enjoy the fruits of your labor, pain free, loving and caring.
“Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are..." - Arthur Golden
Depression, suicidal ideation, narcissism, victimhood, shame, guilt, addictions, materialism... How's that for a merry-go-round that never ends, despite everyone on it being sick to death?
I refused to allow the broken image of other's eyes over me, a false image of the weak person they wanted to keep me as, to keep me bound to my past wounds and trauma bonded relationships. As I started to remember who I was underneath all the pain that had settled in, people around me tried so hard to keep me feeling worthless and without a sense of meaning to my life. I am not saying people do this on purpose, but it hurts and keeps you traumatized either way, so to you, it has the same impact, the loss of your life, of love, and purpose.
People do this for all sorts of hidden, and not so hidden reasons: Jealousy, a desire to compare themselves favorably to others, putting someone down so that they can feel better about themselves. That is very narcissistic, instead of aiming higher, keep someone around and keep banging on their self esteem to keep them from becoming more successful, it is the source of the Tall Poppy Syndrome. I had too many people like that in my life, I had a very longstanding desire to aim higher, but I always crashed under the weight of my past, and the people around me who kept using me as the lesser yardstick to compare themselves by. And it can be very hard to figure out friend from foe, those who truly care and encourage, from those who are self-serving. It was not easy, but I felt I had to go on my own, to sort things through. Otherwise I felt I would simply judge everyone for everything while undergoing this deep healing process, maybe some deserving, and many not deserving, and I didn't want to do that either way. The healthy version of the lone wolf is not an easy path, but many who seek more enlightenment and love, realize it must be done at some point.
“Trauma teaches us that healing is not about forgetting; it’s about embracing our scars and using them as reminders of our strength and resilience..." - Dr. Christine A. Courtois
If you were strong enough to survive the abuse, you are surely strong enough to survive the recovery...
Yes, as I have said, the suffering of our world is purposeful, we grow stronger for it. But there comes a time for every civilization to understand when enough is enough, when they have reached a threshold of pain, and then do everything in their power to eradicate it. Much as people, individuals, must cross that line for themselves, so must a world choose when the line has been crossed, I believe we have reached that stage in our spiritual growth.
If you remain silent, everyone suffers all the time, that is how generational sin gets passed on from one generation to the other, that is how evil spreads. And there is way too much baggage being passed on to our children, it isn't just about debts and a dirty ecosystem, it is about what we have inside that we are stubbornly refusing to accept, and heal from. If you speak out about it, only a few suffer, temporarily, then it is done. And you don't even need to point fingers if you don't want to, keep it simple, keep it between you and your therapist even, but don't keep it locked away in you, that is hell, and it doesn't go away on its own.
"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light..." - Aristotle
It is not to make light of it, but at the same time, we need to relax on how "traumatic" it is, or can be. We often choose how horrifying, or not, something is. Someone kicking a dog, and the whole planet is up in arms, one person swindling billions from people's pensions, causing them to commit suicide, losing their homes, becoming homeless, despair to hundreds of thousands of people, and people hardly beat an eyelash, that is madness. We need to take many steps back and re-evaluate what is harmful to us, and why.
“Healing from trauma isn’t an overnight process. It’s a lifelong journey that requires patience, support, and self-compassion..." - Jasmin Lee Cori
We are experiencing a world where we cast so many people into the "abuser" or "abused" categories, victims and narcissists, those who have, and those who have not. The rift is increasing, and our solutions are not enough. The diagnoses of mental health are increasing, so are our laws, and also the complexity of treatments. Psychedelic assisted therapies seem to have given us a ray of hope, to cut through the process of healing, to offer reprieve to those who had/have few options, but is it enough?
That being said, today, we must acknowledge the pain as it is, even if for the future, we might want to reconsider our ways about it.
Anyway, sexual abuse is everywhere, I don't think anyone escapes it. We pass on a lot of things as normal, or acceptable, but it isn't, not when you get to know the effects and consequences at a deeper level. As in the bible, yes, we can sin even with our eyes, even looking at someone with ill intents, sexual or otherwise, we sin, and they can feel it, they interact with that sin. Even having normal sexual fantasies about someone else without their consent can pull parts of them into those lost places, if their boundaries are not strong enough, even if only very little. So then, of course, many suffer for it directly, but absolutely everyone suffers from it indirectly.
We are all connected deep down, all the pains and the joys circle around and around. We are burdened with a load of pain we are having a very hard time digesting, on a worldly scale. So, yes, we all share the suffering, that type, and any other, through our soul. Sexual abuse, or any other kind, the toll it is creating on our species is truly unsustainable. That is the problem we face, it is us, yet we keep looking on the outside, we keep focusing on the problems that we create, from a poor and broken spirit. Fix the inside, and the outside will get fixed in no time at all. Again, we are currently heading off the evolutionary cliff, completely blind and giddy, and God will not allow us to take this world down with us. Yes, there is hope, but we need to up our game, in our abilities to turn our pain into love and spiritual growth.
“The pain of trauma can be the catalyst for personal growth, leading us to discover inner strength and resilience we never knew we possessed..." - Judith Lewis Herman
We need to figure out better strategies to help people who have suffered from it, and from any other type of abuse also. Maybe sexual is the biggest suffering of our planet, of our species. From numerous studies, there might be as many as one third of children/teens that get sexually abused directly, and that is way too much for a species to handle when people ignore most of it. And indirectly, most children are looked upon by sexual predators at one time or another, either by those who have abused already, or those willing to abuse, or even those who are unwilling to abuse, but have those thoughts. And even looks can abuse to a certain extent, making people feel afraid, making people feel vulnerable, always a watchful eye for when, or if, they could be the next victim, children and adults alike, men and women... This is not to frighten anyone, but to grow compassion instead, understanding, and for us to stop keeping those things hidden in the darkness of our subconscious. That only benefits evil, and creates long-lasting pain.
There are way too many children on our planet that grow up in abusive homes, and we have little clue as to how to be of help to them, not simply to soothe, but eradicate the problems once and for all!
And the repercussions are much greater than people realize, we all suffer greatly for it. Regardless of where we find ourselves on that spectrum, abused or abuser, bystander, or not even aware of anything, we suffer anyway. The ones who abuse, were most likely abused themselves, and still need love and forgiveness, understanding. And better ways to deal with the situation, their desires, or the guilt and shame of it all, again, abuser or victim, or even friends of those people. More laws and longer prison sentences only makes the matter worse, it only drives the abuse deeper, people learn to hide it better. And even the victims get reluctant to share, as the repercussions to them become more difficult to bear. And the repercussions to their abusers are also so great, that caring people might not even want them to go through with it. How's that for a difficult conundrum to deal with?
“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you..." - Ovid
But silence is a greater destroyer than all the abuse in the world.
At least find someone to talk to about this, if you find yourself facing such a situation, or have that in your history. Even if you think it is past, a lot of trauma sinks in our system without us even knowing about it, but it still affects us a lot, causing anger, ADHD, stress, mental and physical health issues, emotional blockages, it never goes away until the healing is done. And time does not heal all wounds, not true, not of itself. If we don't use our time proactively to heal, then time will most often make things worse, and you will have less time in your life to enjoy the fruits of your labor, pain free, loving and caring.
“Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are..." - Arthur Golden
Depression, suicidal ideation, narcissism, victimhood, shame, guilt, addictions, materialism... How's that for a merry-go-round that never ends, despite everyone on it being sick to death?
I refused to allow the broken image of other's eyes over me, a false image of the weak person they wanted to keep me as, to keep me bound to my past wounds and trauma bonded relationships. As I started to remember who I was underneath all the pain that had settled in, people around me tried so hard to keep me feeling worthless and without a sense of meaning to my life. I am not saying people do this on purpose, but it hurts and keeps you traumatized either way, so to you, it has the same impact, the loss of your life, of love, and purpose.
People do this for all sorts of hidden, and not so hidden reasons: Jealousy, a desire to compare themselves favorably to others, putting someone down so that they can feel better about themselves. That is very narcissistic, instead of aiming higher, keep someone around and keep banging on their self esteem to keep them from becoming more successful, it is the source of the Tall Poppy Syndrome. I had too many people like that in my life, I had a very longstanding desire to aim higher, but I always crashed under the weight of my past, and the people around me who kept using me as the lesser yardstick to compare themselves by. And it can be very hard to figure out friend from foe, those who truly care and encourage, from those who are self-serving. It was not easy, but I felt I had to go on my own, to sort things through. Otherwise I felt I would simply judge everyone for everything while undergoing this deep healing process, maybe some deserving, and many not deserving, and I didn't want to do that either way. The healthy version of the lone wolf is not an easy path, but many who seek more enlightenment and love, realize it must be done at some point.
“Trauma teaches us that healing is not about forgetting; it’s about embracing our scars and using them as reminders of our strength and resilience..." - Dr. Christine A. Courtois
If you were strong enough to survive the abuse, you are surely strong enough to survive the recovery...
Yes, as I have said, the suffering of our world is purposeful, we grow stronger for it. But there comes a time for every civilization to understand when enough is enough, when they have reached a threshold of pain, and then do everything in their power to eradicate it. Much as people, individuals, must cross that line for themselves, so must a world choose when the line has been crossed, I believe we have reached that stage in our spiritual growth.
If you remain silent, everyone suffers all the time, that is how generational sin gets passed on from one generation to the other, that is how evil spreads. And there is way too much baggage being passed on to our children, it isn't just about debts and a dirty ecosystem, it is about what we have inside that we are stubbornly refusing to accept, and heal from. If you speak out about it, only a few suffer, temporarily, then it is done. And you don't even need to point fingers if you don't want to, keep it simple, keep it between you and your therapist even, but don't keep it locked away in you, that is hell, and it doesn't go away on its own.
"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light..." - Aristotle
THE THREAT OF LOVE
Yes, love and healthy affection can become threatening to those who have experienced sexual abuse, even physical abuse, as a child. Or any form of abuse that was damaging enough to the needs of the child. Now, consciously, we don't realize that love is threatening to us, but we do act as if it was, and keep it at bay, in a way that we can manage and be comfortable with. And that is the saddest thing, to be afraid of love, but it makes sense to a child who was supposed to be taught love from his/her parents, but instead was shown abuse, and often the abuse was made to look like love, so abuse takes the place of love for that person, and both become intertwined until healed. You take a few steps towards love, and you then feel the threatening ghosts of the past, so you back off, and accept much lesser forms of love and affection instead.
It is complicated to heal from childhood abuse, as we often need supportive environments, but truly supportive environments can feel unsafe to us, especially when coming from people we know. Again, which is why often people realize they must set off on their own for a while, and learn how to rely on themselves first for their emotional needs, to trust themselves and to know what a safe environment feels like. That is another thing a growing child needs, to know and feel what a safe and loving environment is because people who have spent most, if not all, of their childhood in a non-safe environment might now even know what one looks like, and it is often why people end up in abusive relationships, because they don't have a healthy perspective to know the difference.
The only thing "wrong" with people, is their lack of understanding of what true love looks and feels like, and heal anything inside of them that does not reflect the highest values of love and peace, joy, compassion, empathy, gratitude... And not surrender to lesser things such as anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, vengefulness, apathy, selfishness. And to know that love can often feel threatening to us, can help us to understand why we feel a lack of it, why meaning and purpose can elude us, and why we sabotage our efforts at deep healing, it is out of fear, and most often those fears were based on our childhood survival mechanisms, and our inability to defend ourselves not only against the abuse itself, but how we surrendered our understanding of love, or didn't even get a chance to develop it properly. If all children were taught proper love, our world would change dramatically for the better within few generations, we wouldn't even recognize it.
Yes, love and healthy affection can become threatening to those who have experienced sexual abuse, even physical abuse, as a child. Or any form of abuse that was damaging enough to the needs of the child. Now, consciously, we don't realize that love is threatening to us, but we do act as if it was, and keep it at bay, in a way that we can manage and be comfortable with. And that is the saddest thing, to be afraid of love, but it makes sense to a child who was supposed to be taught love from his/her parents, but instead was shown abuse, and often the abuse was made to look like love, so abuse takes the place of love for that person, and both become intertwined until healed. You take a few steps towards love, and you then feel the threatening ghosts of the past, so you back off, and accept much lesser forms of love and affection instead.
It is complicated to heal from childhood abuse, as we often need supportive environments, but truly supportive environments can feel unsafe to us, especially when coming from people we know. Again, which is why often people realize they must set off on their own for a while, and learn how to rely on themselves first for their emotional needs, to trust themselves and to know what a safe environment feels like. That is another thing a growing child needs, to know and feel what a safe and loving environment is because people who have spent most, if not all, of their childhood in a non-safe environment might now even know what one looks like, and it is often why people end up in abusive relationships, because they don't have a healthy perspective to know the difference.
The only thing "wrong" with people, is their lack of understanding of what true love looks and feels like, and heal anything inside of them that does not reflect the highest values of love and peace, joy, compassion, empathy, gratitude... And not surrender to lesser things such as anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, vengefulness, apathy, selfishness. And to know that love can often feel threatening to us, can help us to understand why we feel a lack of it, why meaning and purpose can elude us, and why we sabotage our efforts at deep healing, it is out of fear, and most often those fears were based on our childhood survival mechanisms, and our inability to defend ourselves not only against the abuse itself, but how we surrendered our understanding of love, or didn't even get a chance to develop it properly. If all children were taught proper love, our world would change dramatically for the better within few generations, we wouldn't even recognize it.